Your Silver Lining During the Coronavirus

The current pandemic is likely the biggest disruption in your child’s (and possibly your) life, so far. As hard as it is for us, as adults, to take this in stride, it is even more challenging for our children. It is a good idea to allow them to grieve and vent about their canceled sport season, spring musical, art show, music competitions, spring break trip, etc. These are real losses.

And there are additional losses for seniors in high school or college who may not get to enjoy their prom, senior week activities, and graduation ceremonies and celebrations.

Once your child has been able to mourn the loss of these life events, it is time to help them move on and ask themselves an important question:

What do I want to have learned, accomplished or contributed to my community by the end of all this?

Some high school students are continuing to have online classes while others have a looser schedule with enrichment activities and optional assignments. Either way, with extracurricular events all canceled, your student will have way more downtime than usual.

It is easy for teens to fall into an extended vacation mode, where they stay up until two am, wake at noon, and have more screen time than usual with Netflix or video games. This can work for a vacation week but it is not a good longer-term plan.

Teens are often resistant to parental nagging about this type of issue. My suggestion is to set up a meeting with each child separately and help them think about how they want this time to be structured. Help them realize that no one knows how long this will go on and they don’t want to lose ground academically.

I would ask your child to print out a schedule and agree on a time that they will set a wake-up alarm each day.  Then have something important early in the day that will encourage them to actually get out of bed! This could be a walk with a friend (with physical distancing) or a group video call where all the participants are following an exercise video or workout plan.

It is then critical to schedule some hours of academic work each weekday. Hopefully, this is being guided by your child’s school, but if not, there are many online platforms to help. The one many students already know about is Khan Academy (a free resource), which helps with SAT prep and most subject areas. They have put together sample schedules with course work for different grade levels on their site.

Your student should have a designated, distraction-free area for schoolwork. Research shows productivity is best when a 10 min break follows every 50 to 60 minutes of study.

Juniors and seniors who planned to visit college campuses this spring can sign up for virtual information sessions and other remote admissions events at each school’s website.

In addition to academics, it is critical to talk to your child about how they can keep up (or start) good habits in the areas of sleep, diet and daily exercise. This will help to lower anxiety and keep spirits up. Getting outside daily is also helpful – woods walks with family or friends, bike rides, dog walks, wall ball for lacrosse players, etc.

In addition, this meeting is a good time to ask your child what they would like to begin or dive deeper into during this period?

Here are some ideas that may appeal: photo projects, exchanging letters with a relative, learning to play an instrument, take an online coding class (or online class in any subject), art projects, learning to cook or bake, writing a short story / poetry, starting an online book club, woodworking project, etc.

This can also be a time to encourage your child to see how they can help at home and in your community. There are lots of suggestions out there – one is grocery shopping for elderly neighbors.

Finally, it can be helpful to share with your child a time in your life when something fell through or you encountered a big disappointment. Often, there is a story to tell about the “silver lining” of a positive turn of events that you can relay to your child. That may help them think about what they hope their “silver lining” will be as they look back on this period in their life.

I hope you and your loved ones all stay healthy and productive.

Make Your Campus Visits Worthwhile

Winter and spring breaks are popular campus visit opportunities. For seniors, that means going back to “Accepted Student Days” or making a second visit on a typical school day. It’s important to sit in on a class or two, meet with faculty in a specific department, and consider spending the night on campus. It may take multiple visits to make this important decision.

Juniors, on the other hand, will likely be visiting for the first time and deciding whether to keep a given school on their list. It’s helpful to visit before May so that students will still be on campus prior to their summer break. While most schools start offering tours again in June – and the summer can work for an initial visit – make sure to return when students are on campus if you like the school.

Remember as well to always “officially” sign up for a tour and information session. This way, the admissions department knows you were there, and you get credit for visiting.
Consider each of these factors on your visits. Take notes! (Seniors will want to get into more detail in each of these areas.):

Academics: What is the strength of the school or the program your student is interested in pursuing? How accessible are the professors? Are teaching assistants used to teach? Is the school’s emphasis on undergraduate teaching or on graduate research? Is the atmosphere more competitive or collaborative? What is the level of student stress?

Class size: How large are the freshman classes? This is not the same as the faculty to student ratio.

Graduation Rates: These may be reported as four-year and/or six-year rates. Make sure you are comparing apples to apples across schools.

Retention: What is the percentage of freshmen who return as sophomores? Compare this to other schools of a similar nature.

Support: Are there resources to help with the transition to college? Are there writing, math and foreign language labs? Is there a fee for content tutoring? Are the tutors peers, grad students or faculty?  Is there help with time management, organization and study skills? Does faculty tend to notice if a student is struggling and recommend resources?

Internships: What percent of students complete internships? (A college degree is not always enough these days!) Does the school help secure the internships?

Housing: What percent of students live on campus? Is housing guaranteed all four years? If students live off campus, are they commuters from home or do they live in near-by housing?

Student Body: What is the level of diversity in all areas – racial, socioeconomic, religious, geographical, etc.? What is the level of tolerance for differences? Is there a political leaning one way or another? Do at least some of the students seem like people you could be friends with?

Campus life: Do the students look happy? (Keep in mind that no one looks happy on a college campus early in the morning or when they are dashing to class in the rain.) Try to talk to students in addition to the tour guide. Ask what they like about their school and what they wish were different.

  • What percentage of kids goes home on the weekends?
  • Are there plenty of activities for students who are not interested in parties?
  • Is there Greek Life and, if yes, how dominant is it?
  • Are there ample opportunities for volunteering?
  • Does the school have the amount of school spirit you are looking for?
  • Do students regularly attend sports games or dance, music, drama performances?
  • Where do students go when they want to get off campus?

Location: How easy/expensive is it to get home and how much does that matter?

Finances: It’s important to consider the overall expense to graduate. Look at the percentage of kids who graduate in four years and consider the extra cost if additional time is often needed at a particular school. All schools now have a “Net Price Calculator” to get an early estimate of any financial aid your child may be awarded.

Finally, make sure you leave enough time to have a meal in the dining hall, spend some time in the student union, look at what is posted on the bulletin boards and grab a school newspaper.

Try to enjoy this time with your child. It goes by quickly!

Juniors, It All Starts NOW

January marks the official start of the “season” for juniors planning to attend college immediately after high school. The first semester or 2nd term is ending and PSAT scores are back.

With a current GPA in hand and at least some sense of how they are likely to score on the SAT’s (students can also arrange a practice ACT), students have a general idea of the academic level of the schools that might be a good fit for them. That makes it a little easier to narrow down the list from the thousands of potential colleges to which your child might be interested in applying.

The tricky part is that this time of junior year is also very busy. Most students are involved in test prep to prepare for the taking of the SAT or ACT this spring. And many are involved in extracurricular school activities and/or working. Some extra sleep, eating well and regular exercise will go a long way and plant the seeds to continue these habits in college (easier said than done, I know). Overall, Job One remains doing the best they can academically to keep grades up.

Remind your child that this is the year that colleges will look at critically to see that a student is challenging herself academically. Your student should also make extra efforts to participate in class discussions as junior year teachers are usually asked to write their recommendation letters.

Beginning the college exploration process:

For starters, I recommend setting up a family meeting to talk about college in general and to share expectations of both you and your child. The first question should always be: Does your child want to go to college and do all those involved consider this a good plan for immediately after high school?
Keep in mind that there are students who are not yet ready, and it has become much more common (and acceptable) for students to take a “gap year” to travel, volunteer, work, etc., with plans to enter college when they are a bit more mature and college-minded. Some students may benefit by pursuing a transition to college program that will provide more support with academic and social independence. It may also make sense to think about a community college, with plans to pursue an associate degree or a certificate program first and then (if desired) transfer to a four-year school upon completion.
Step two, for most families, is to have a frank discussion regarding the family’s financial situation as it relates to paying for college. It’s best to have this discussion early in the process, even before your student puts together a list of schools. This will save much disappointment later, in case your student does not receive the financial aid package they had hoped for and you are not in a position to make it work at their “dream” school. 

It is helpful to calculate your “Estimated Family Contribution” (EFC) early in the process, to determine the possibility of need-based aid. To access the specifics of a given school’s fees and related expenses, visit the “Net Price Calculator,” found on the web site of every college.
For those who may assume they are not eligible for financial aid, keep in mind that many schools offer “merit aid” (scholarships) based on a talent, grades, test scores, community service, leadership, etc. These are not based on financial need, however, for those schools that do offer merit aid, they typically offer it only to the top 20-25% of their applicant pool. In other words, they are unlikely to offer it to your student if he or she is an average or below average applicant for that school.
Step three is to consider general college characteristics that will make a school a good fit for your child. These include distance from home; city vs rural/suburban; size of school; size of classes; level of academic rigor; amount of academic support offered; availability of a particular major if known; and make up of student body.

It’s a lot to think about, I know. And while it’s easy to think that there is plenty of time to start this process much later (and there is), take it from me that the time can get away from you, too. Particularly if your student will have a busy senior fall (they usually do!) due to a sport, work or extracurricular activity and/or if they want to start applying to colleges mid-fall (many do these days), it is a good idea to start this process of exploring schools soon.
Ideally, your child will start to form opinions of the type of schools that feel right this winter and you can fit in some window-shopping visits to see what is out there. Then you can make more focused college visits over spring break or on school vacation days. The summer is an option too, but the students are not on campus and so another visit will be necessary to get the feel of the student body (very important). Your student should sign up to be on the school's mailing list and then open emails that are sent as it shows the college that he/ she is interested and that counts! 

Remember that this search is about finding a good fit for your child, regardless of whether the school is a household name!  I often remind parents not to voice their opinions until their child has had a chance to explore what is out there. 

Overall, try to enjoy this exploration process with your teen and keep things light. Junior year is stressful, and your child can use lots of support and encouragement!